If we had even a shoestring budget this would have been filmed
While shopping at Sam’s Club I saw the perfect opportunity to test my theories on sword ownership. The guy was about 6’2”, built to make me look fit, had a long poorly groomed pony tail and an abortion of an attempt at a goatee. He was wearing a t-shirt that said “everyone sucks” with a faded image of people, dark cargo pants, and combat boots. It was like he fell of the cliché wagon. I’m going to recount the conversation as best I can. Bear in mind that wife and child are waiting for me to return to the kart with some chips so I don’t have time to be subtle. I’m not good at subtle anyway.
Goth Segal: “Huh”
Me: “Swords. Do they sell them here?”
Goth Segal: “I dunno”
Me: “Know any place around here that does?”
Goth Segal: “Yeah.” He than gave me directions to a place in the mall and a place that sold ‘better’ swords.
Me: “Do you do martial arts?”
Goth Segal: “BLAH BLAH BLAH” (As soon as I asked this he started to seem into the conversation. I’m too lazy to type what he said. The summary is ‘no because Tea Kwan Do Sucks and he’s too bad ass to bother with it. He’s ‘learned a few things’ though. He was clear on that. I started to worry that I was going to have to walk away from him mid sentence he was taking so long. Fortunately he ran out of air and I asked my next question. )
Me: “What’s your favorite anime?”
Goth Segal: “bo$%uavnelklorne” (I have no idea what he said, something I’ve never heard of)
I would have asked if he lived in his mom’s basement, but they were shopping together at 3:30 on a weekday so I pretty much had my answer already.
This just goes to show: I am so smart.
posted by Garble at 10:20 PM
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5 Comments:
There's a few things I find ironic about this post, since it's making fun of large, anime watching martial artists...
Garble, you once:
1. used to frequent stores that sold numberous types of blades. Among them being swords.
2. did quite a bit of martial arts in your time. And I remember you saying on more than a few occasions that Tae Qwon Do was gay. (It is.)
3. used to watch prolific amounts anime.
4. were known for...sorry ARE known for long winded "blah blah blah" explainations.
On the bright side...you don't live in your parents basement or have a cheesy Highlander haircut!!
I'm pretty sure that Garb's was poking fun at his "former" self (haha), hence the way he walked away and tried not to acknowledge the presence of Goth Seagal.
And thank you Jack for correcting Garb's... it is definitely martial arts, not marshal arts. Same pronunciation, different spelling/meaning.
Finally, Garbs, you should know better than to approach social misfits on April 20th- which is the anniversary of such events as Waco Branch Dividian shootout, Columbine High School, and Oklahoma City Bombing.
Jack,
I fully admit the irony of this series. I like all of the things I asked Goth Segal about. I even thought his shirt was funny. A key point here is the difference between Fan and Fetish. But there's a line. Before which you can say, "well, I guess there's no harm if they're having fun." Today I see myself on one side of that line, and Goth Segal on the other. Jim was right, I'm definitely making fun of some of my past behavior. Having been there, I feel able to judge. But I was never as bad as this guy.
Jim,
Thanks for the catch on marshal. I typed this is word and it looks like auto correct got me. To appease the police I've gone back and corrected it.
I know. I was only pointing out it was both funny and ironic. And I know you of all people can appreciate the humor!
I know. I like the character, he's BA. Almost more so than Jack himself. But the flock-of-seagulls thing has gotta go!
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