Butt wiping scenarios.

This is slightly disturbing but at the same time quite perplexing, and even a bit intriguing. To the right person. Anyway I bring up the question of butt wiping scenarios. Most of us take butt wiping for granted right? There always seems to be a roll of papery goodness to convenience your brown eye cleansing. But what if one day the toilet paper was nowhere to be found? Bring on the restaurants. So what if this scenario was thrust into your arms? You're having a nice family dining experience, the waitress is very cordial and comes complete with a busty chest for your viewing pleasure, the food is great, and there is even a sufficient supply of after dinner mints so you don't have to asphyxiate your girlfriend with nasty reuben sandwich breath. Then all of the sudden the gravy and sauerkraut kick in like a turdy battering ram to the colon. You floor it to the bathroom and drop trow in the stall, only to realize that while your fecal matters are in the middle of playing ass hookey, the t.p. has long since been refilled. Oops, too late to stop now. So what the hell are you supposed to do? You only have so many options at your disposal in a public bathroom, whereas at home you have plenty, like using the dog's back or your mom's nightgown, just to name a couple. After thinking about it I came to the conclusion that there are only three logical solutions. Option 1) using your socks. I know, the last thing you want to do is get athlete's foot up your butt. But at least they're disposable and no one will notice if they're missing, especially if you're wearing pants. Option 2) washing your crack out in the sink. Make sure the water pressure isn't too high because you don't want butt feculence particles ricocheting about. Option 3) drying your ass out on the hand dryer then scraping off the remains. This one could prove to be the most difficult and should only be attempted by trained professionals, as positioning your rear end up to the dryer is a relatively awkward trick to attempt. It could also be very embarassing if your girlfriend's dad walked in while you're bent over drying your ass. Suicide would be the only way out. Well that about concludes butt wiping scenarios. Maybe this will make you think twice about going out into public without taking a few rolls of toilet paper. And Who knows? Maybe you'll get lucky and find some sucker in the bathroom in which you can use your t.p. for bartering material, such as getting the victim's wallet or car keys. I know I'll be carrying some Charmin with me on my next trip.