Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Ohh boohoo you sniveling little bastards.

I was reading an article on MSN's website about how kids as young as five can be affected by too much stress. What a load of bullshit I thought to myself. It must be very stress-inducing to not have a damn thing to do except eat, sleep, and shit. Better hold on to that security blanket for a few more years, you're going to need it. Or better yet, get a fucking job asshole and stop leaching off everyone else. The article goes on to say that the stress comes from schooling. Schooling?? What? We're one of the lowest ranked countries in the world as far as academia goes. How could a kid at five feel any stress from school? All they do is eat crayons and take naps every two hours. Whoaa, easy there killer, don't want to overwork that prefrontal cortex too much. One example the article gives is on a sloppy little whore named Ashlyn who's too much of a crybaby weiner to do her schoolwork because it's too damn hard. What did she have to do, write an article on the fall of the Roman empire, or a biography on George Washington complete with bibliography? Nooo, she had a much more daunting task. This is copied directly from the MSN article, "No matter how many times she was tested, she couldn't read the 130-word list her teacher gave her: words like "our," "house" and "there." She became so exhausted and distraught over homework—including a weekly essay on "my favorite animal" or "my family vacation"—that she would put her head down on the dining-room table and sob. "She would tell me, 'I can't write a story, Mama. I just can't do it'," recalls Tiffany, a stay-at-home mom." Sounds like a case of whiny bitch who's had everything handed to her on a gold platter studded with finely crafted zirconian jewels. I can feel the stress already, it must be a taxing event to try and read lofty words such as "our". I hope that the members of Spoonhouse who have kids can teach them to read monosyllabic words by the time they're five. Here's the
dumbass article in case anyone's interested in reading the whole thing.

20 Comments:

Blogger Jack T Briggs said...

Haley pays NO attention to the TV whatsoever. She wants me to read her books constantly. Even if it is Dr. Seuss. (I'm so SICK of the Foot Book.)

6/9/06 13:05  
Blogger Cohort Mandibles said...

That's good. She'll grow up to be smart instead of an incompetent miscreant who has to work the graveyard shift on Dort Hwy like all the rest of these lazy asshole kids.

6/9/06 13:07  
Blogger Jack T Briggs said...

I hope so. Everywhere I look these days I see these stupid little misanthropic bastards who complain about EVERYTHING and contribute nothing. I worry about raising my kids in this environment.

6/9/06 13:11  
Blogger Cohort Mandibles said...

Just keep reading to her, and look forward to the day you can give her first boyfriend shit and threaten him to the high hills. Ohh yeah.

6/9/06 13:15  
Blogger Jack T Briggs said...

Threaten? What I'm gonna do won't even be legal. "daddy where's so-and-so?" "Sorry hon, he said he was 'moving' and never coming back."

6/9/06 13:17  
Blogger Cohort Mandibles said...

Haha I hope Simon has a son, that way he can try to put the moves on Haley. I want to see how that would pan out.

6/9/06 13:20  
Blogger Cohort Mandibles said...

When are you going to have brats Simon? You're getting pretty old. You should practice a few times on a different woman, just to make sure your garbage still works. Then when it's time, put the moves on Mrs. Simon.

6/9/06 13:22  
Blogger Jack T Briggs said...

Fuck that! I'm not gonna let his bratty, dirty little punk son around her! That kid's a demon, always yelling and breaking shit.

6/9/06 13:24  
Blogger Simon Hawk said...

""That kid's a demon, always yelling and breaking shit.""

LOL!!! Not even concieved yet! hahahahahaha!!!

6/9/06 13:26  
Blogger Cohort Mandibles said...

Lol, everyone already knows how Simon's asshole kids will turn out, regardless of having them or not.

6/9/06 13:26  
Blogger Jack T Briggs said...

That's what I WOULD be saying, if Si knew how to use that little, flacid wang of his.

6/9/06 13:26  
Blogger Jack T Briggs said...

I heard the little shit pisses on everything, too.

6/9/06 13:28  
Blogger Cohort Mandibles said...

I dunno, being around you guys doesn't really give me the urge to shit and piss on everything.

6/9/06 13:31  
Blogger Simon Hawk said...

where does shitting come into this?

6/9/06 13:32  
Blogger Cohort Mandibles said...

I made the shit part up. I was thinking about Jackass and, well... You remember that conversation.

6/9/06 13:33  
Blogger Jim Brannick said...

I hope Simon is like Garble and starts popping out girls. That way, Jim Junior will have lots of sorority chicks to tag when he gets older.

6/9/06 13:35  
Blogger Simon Hawk said...

I'm still trying to forget the Jackass conversation.

6/9/06 13:35  
Blogger Jim Brannick said...

And Jack Junior too! I forgot about him!

6/9/06 13:36  
Blogger Jack T Briggs said...

Aww yeah. He's gonna be a pimp.

6/9/06 13:39  
Blogger Jim Brannick said...

I predict Jim Jr's first words will be: "giggity giggity, ooooo right!"

7/9/06 10:34  

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