ALL SERIOUS CRIME IN TEXAS HAS BEEN SOLVED. POLICE MOVING ON TO PRE-CRIME.
Those wacky freedom loving Texans have decided to start a ‘pre-crime’ unit. They’re arresting people before they can endanger the public. Tom Cruise is asking his scientologist handlers if he can sue them over this somehow. The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission sends ‘under-cover’ operatives into bars to arrest drunken patrons before they can get in the car. They’ve even targeted Hotel bars and cited patrons that are checked in and planning to spend the night in the same building they’re getting drunk in. When asked about the complete, mind-blowing stupidity of this the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission pointed out that some of the people ticketed might have done other things to endanger the public. Such as walking into traffic, diving from balconies into swimming pools and hitting the concrete or making a lot of noise on the way back to their rooms like drunken assholes.
Sarcasm aside my guess is that revenue’s are down and they have to fill the gap with more tickets.
posted by Garble at 12:42 PM
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7 Comments:
Yeah, it's pretty bad. But if it makes you feel better there's a guy on trial in afganistan (the country we liberated a couple of years ago) on trial for converting to christianity. If he's found guilty he's likely to be put to death. So if could be worse. Oh yeah, and the mayor of new york want's to put lights on your car that illuminate if you speed. See why I'm happy when these people fight over christmas and gay marriage?
Its only a matter of time before this place ends up like Rome.
Simon, I don't disagree with you. I just wonder how this particular bit of stupidity leads that way. Also, I scooped a bunch of local news shows with this one. They were talking about it on last night's news. They didn't even get better sources than i did. Some of the stuff they read was verbatim from yahoo hews.
While not without merit there are some problems with your ideas.
1. I like to avoid radiation and toxic waste.
2. Journalists aren’t paid well.
3. Superman was super before he became a reporter.
4. Most of the j-school majors I've met were tools.
5. I could never leave the security of a Big-3 Job for something as up and down as journalism. (HA).
Notice the only complaint he had with your idea was the shitty job, not the having super powers part! (who wouldn't want super powers, though.) Garbs superhuman now THAT'S a scary thought!
We've already seen Garble with superpowers... and it was scary. Wanna know what's even more scary? how about a drunk Garble with superpowers? Knob distributors and bar-rats everywhere would want to invest in some Kryptonite meathook repellent!
I'm so super that it's amazing lesser men even continue.
Go Nietzsche
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