Tuesday, November 28, 2006

The Wii workout: an urban myth already started by fatasses across America.

The launch of the Wii has brought about a whole new way to play videogames, and a whole new way to get a workout. Or has it? I keep hearing all these horror stories about fat videogame nerds complaining that they have to get a workout and actually pump some much needed blood through pork rind encrusted arteries. I have no problem with a brisk workout, but they're taking this Wii-workout correlation way too damn far. To quote The Wall Street Journal's shitty website, "A videogame maker has finally succeeded in getting kids off the couch and moving around. But the new approach is turning out to be more exercise than some players bargained for. These surprisingly vigorous workouts are being triggered by Nintendo's new Wii videogames." Since when is swinging your arm a "surprisingly vigorous" workout? I thought splitting wood, or benching 300 pounds repetitively, or running away from that fat drunk chick at school who won't leave you alone because she needs another hot sausage insertion would be a vigorous workout. The thing that bugs me the most is that you don't even have to swing your arm, it's completely optional! In fact, you don't even have to get up off the ass-indented couch that you've been eating and sleeping on for years. The Wii is playable by just using simple wrist flicks. It actually takes more effort to jackoff than it does to play Wii. I don't see how they can complain. There's absolutely no workout involved at all, the remote can turn the system on and off so they don't even have to leave the comfort zone of their Dorito couch, AND as an added bonus - one handed play. With the other hand freed up it allows them the liberty of quick and continuous snacking. I see the Wii as a win-win-win situation for gayme nerds everywhere.


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