Sunday, August 20, 2006

Look at you William Shatner. You’ve let your self bolding go.

Did you go to TJ Hooker or PF Changs?

I’m watching the William Shatner roast. Going to try to live blog it. I’m typing this in real time and using commercials to mix another drink so don’t get your hopes up about spelling, grammar etc. Note: I use profanity when they use profanity.

Jason Alexander: “It’s sad when sci fi Icon ages and grows fat and pathetic. Hi Carrie Fisher.”

I just saw Carrie Fisher lick Andy Dick. That guys funny. He should get his own show.

Betty White is fucking funny. I just became a fan. Her best lines (From memory):

“Farrah Fawcet is here, she and I have a lot in common. I’m 80, and that was the last decade she mattered in.” “[To bill]You’ll looking healthy dear. Did you know they have 1%milk now?” “We all know Bill’s nuts, but George Takei’s tasted them.” “Bill’s a happily married man, I caught the bouquet at his wedding. I hope I live long enough to catch the cock ring at George’s.”

I think everyone’s made a joke about George Takei being gay.

Someguy I can’t name: “I think Courtney Love killed Andy dick and came wearing his skin as a costume.”

Now he’s licking Farrah Fawcet. She licks him back but she does not look like she’s happy. I think he’s dumped saliva on just about everyone but bill and Jason Alexander.

George Takei’s on now. He just said Farrah Fawcet’s and Betty White’s pussies (his word) smell bad. He called Andy Dick Gay and now he’s making fun of bill’s toupee. More jokes about Farrah and Betty’s junk. Lines: “Bill your acting is the only thing that’s ever made me want to gag. If my boyfriend could suck that hard I’d never leave the château.”

Andy dick is licking uhura.

Now some chick named Lisa Lampenali(SP?). Jason Alexander just made a bunch of jokes about her fucking lots and lots of black men. Now she’s coming back at him for having no career after Seinfeld and sucking jerry’s dick. “Jack O’Lanterns last longer in the fall than your shows.” Now she’s on to Bill. “When Elton John heard William shatner sing rocket man he spit George Takei’s dick out.” Now she’s ripping on Spock. “William Shatner’s Ball Bag hangs so low he has to hold it up when he shits.” “Andy Dick is so gay his chapstick is cock flavored.” She’s ripping on TJ Hooker. “I tried to TIVO TJ Hooker and my TIVO suggested I punch myself in the cunt.”

Jimmy Kimmel and some people I don’t know are making fun of Bill for shilling for Priceline in a skit.

Bill’s on now. “The only thing about tonight that hurts my feelings is that you people weren’t funny. And I gave you so much to work with.” “George, for the last time I will not let you suck my cock.” “Andy Dick. People make fun of you pathetic career. But you were great in that one thing…what was it…oh yeah, George Takei’s mouth.” “[farrah fawcet] you should stay out of the sun. Your skin looks so much like fried chicken [uhura]’s mouth is watering” many other good lines.

Running gags of the night.

Shatner is bad at singing etc.

George Takei is gay

Andy Dick is gay.

Lisa (whatever her name is) looks like horse.

Lots of people jerked off to that poster of Farrah Fawcet.

3 Comments:

Blogger Jim Brannick said...

Best Betty White line:

"Bill, you were supposed to explore the universe... not fill it."

21/8/06 06:09  
Blogger Cohort Mandibles said...

That would be funnier if I knew who most of these people are, or why they're significant.

21/8/06 07:18  
Blogger Garble said...

That was a good one. It wasn't so much that her material was great as it was the delivery. She seemed just a little bit clueless, but you knew she was being mean on purpose.

21/8/06 07:31  

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