Morbid Obesity

As you all know, our nation is getting fatter by the minute. That slurping sound that rises above the din of traffic around Holly is actually all the lardos sucking the secret sauce off their McDonald’s tray. Living in Texas (the fattest state in the union… and Texans are damn proud of it too), I get to observe people every day that can barely steer their cars because their front orb-ass is jammed so tight against the wheel. I’m fully aware of why we’re so fat: laziness combined with deep-fried twinkies dipped in whipped cream; but I wanted to know what really happens to people when they get so enormous that they can’t see their Johnson anymore.
Here is a site that lists the prevalence of obesity based on things like race, age, and education, and contains a comprehensive list of bad things that can happen to you. It may come as no surprise that black women are twice as obese as the general population (recall the Big Dasheeki at Grand Point). But I was surprised that people with 4 years or more of college were less likely to be fatties (they must not have included me, Garble, and Lunchbox in that statistic). Table 5 shows some of the negative health effects of morbid obesity. I had no idea that Hirsutism was linked to fattyness! Here’s the best line from this site: “Some individuals with morbid obesity have low self-esteem and other psychological difficulties attributed to feeling "shunned, insulted and ridiculed by outsiders."” Really?! I thought they were pillars of the community that should be exalted for their ability to consume mass quantities.

I’ll leave you with this excellent article written by Rayne Summers (from LICD fame) and published in the Montreal Tribune:

“Why Fat Chicks Should Learn How to Purge After Every Meal”
by Rayne Summers
Studies show that women who are fat tend to be ugly. This I find very disturbing and wish to acknowledge it more profoundly. I just want to say there is no way in hell I will ever date a fat chick. Like one day my roommate tried to hook me up with a fat chick just so he could go with a hottie. She was butt ugly.