Monday, October 30, 2006

Yes! Politics! Now, if they could only put their propaganda into the form of a suppository.

Politics has to be the most idiotic "job" in the world. Watching these Granholm and DeVos morons debate is like watching two retarded kids on a merry-go-round. They spend all their time going around in circles and drooling on each other, and nothing gets accomplished. Ever notice how instead of laying out their plan for saving Michigan, they only prattle on about how the other candidate is an abortion of the human race? So where do our beloved candidates stand on sensitive issues? How the hell am I suppose to know? They won't tell us a damn thing. From what I gathered on tv and radio, they both eat incomprehensible amounts of skin missile. Hello idiots, we already knew you were dickheads, you don't need to waste precious dollars and airtime telling us that the other guy needs to burn in hell. Tell us what you're actually going to do, jerks. So when the momentous decision comes, who do you vote for? Well, at first I wasn't going to vote. But then I decided I didn't want to be unpatriotic to our 42%-unemployment-rating, Canadian-garbage-taking state we call Michigan. So what I decided to do with this election is vote for a 3rd party, off-brand candidate that no one seems to know about. The basis for my vote was to go from how funny or abnormal the candidate's name is. Much to my liking I discovered Bhagwan Dashairya. Who?? That's what I said too when I saw his name on the ballot. So fuck it, that's who I'm voting for. Then, for lack of better things to do, (even at work) I did some research on him and found out a few of his positions, and now I actually have legitimate basis for a vote. Number one position, he wants to ease state restrictions on the purchase and possession of guns. Good, because I'll be damned if I'm going to let burned out, dumpster musk hippies take away my rights. Get a job and take a shower, assholes. Or better yet, murder yourself, the world doesn't need you. Ahh, that transitions nicely into point two: Bhagwan wants to implement the death penalty in Michigan! Finally, we can uncrowd that mare's nest we call a jail system, and free up some taxpayer money. Plus, we all know how much fun it is killing criminals and getting away with it. Good job Mr. Diarrhea, you've sealed my vote.

5 Comments:

Blogger Garble said...

If the candidate can get you to vote for them because you like and agree with them they will. That’s hard to do so it’s not usually how you win. An easier way is to get you to hate the other guy. Hence negative adds. The danger is that you get two candidates that have made everyone hate the other guy. Then you get low voter turnout. (Most people just don’t vote all together) So you need to make sure that the other guy is as hated as possible. This is probably ‘bad for democracy’. But it’s good for entertaining adds. I’d much rather watch a 30 sec sketch about how the other guy blows goats than site through a 45 minute presentation of the subtle differences in how the candidates want to allocate road funds.

30/10/06 09:28  
Blogger Cohort Mandibles said...

Yes that's true, but it would still be nice to have a slight inkling as to what the candidates are going to do. I'm not a huge political buff, but I should at least be able to gather some clues as to what their plan is. So far I've found nothing. Oh well, it's all gay.

30/10/06 10:37  
Blogger Garble said...

They're not really that different. There are a few 'core' issues that the two parties disagree on. (e.g. abortion) but other than that it get's pretty nuanced.
Gun Control is a good example. Both parties are for it. They just argue about who and how much.

The reason that there's so much money and bile in politics is simple. We (the people) allow the government too much power and small groups of people want to use it for their own ends.

30/10/06 13:40  
Blogger Cohort Mandibles said...

So I suppose we're basically screwed anyway? Oh well, it's not like we were going to recover from this landslide any time soon. Stupid politics.

31/10/06 05:32  
Blogger Rick said...

I'm less cyncical, I see what you're saying, but I don't think it's that impossible to figure out their platforms. Granholm's is pretty clearly laid out on her homepage: http://www.granholmforgov.com/site/PageServer?pagename=iss_main

I'm not sure what kind of information DeVos has up on his site, but given the fact that he can't seem to answer a question about his platform with a single, straight answer, I would lean towards thinking you're right with regards to his position on things.

I guess the bottom line is that politics isn't simple, and it's really made even more complicated by the fact that both sides are trying really hard to appeal to voters, and often the specific issues get kinda lost in the mix. Worth digging around IMO though to see what they have to say for themselves, and reading at least a little about each candidate. I personally feel like voting is quite a priviledge (when I was younger, I moved out of the country for several years due to my father's work, and saw what it is like in places where voting isn't as widely encouraged) and try to take the time to inform myself about the candidates and vote, especially when it's a close race like this one.

31/10/06 13:32  

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